Sarah Connelly — Part 2: The Plan

I gave myself four weeks.

That was the decision I made on the train back from Edinburgh. Four weeks to get everything in order before I said a single word to Rob.

The first thing I did on the Monday morning was call a solicitor. I had never spoken to a family law solicitor in my life. I sat in my car in the car park at work and looked one up on my phone and called before I could change my mind.

She was calm and straightforward and she told me exactly what I needed to know. Because we had no children, the main thing was the house. We had bought it together but I had put in more of the deposit. I had the bank statements to prove it. She told me to start gathering paperwork. Mortgage documents, joint account statements, anything in both our names.

I spent the next three weeks being the perfect wife. I cooked. I asked about his day. I laughed at his jokes. I have never worked harder at anything in my life.

What I was actually doing was building a file.

I moved my salary into a personal account I opened without telling him. Nothing dramatic, just three months of my own money sitting somewhere he couldn’t see it.

I told my closest friend Rachel what was happening. Just Rachel. She came round one afternoon when Rob was away and sat with me while I cried for about an hour. Then she helped me make a spreadsheet.

On a Thursday evening in April I asked Rob to sit down. I made us both a cup of tea. I put the folder on the table between us.

I said I know about Claire. I know it has been going on for nearly a year. I have spoken to a solicitor and I know exactly what I am entitled to. I would like us to handle this like adults.

He went white.

He tried to deny it for about thirty seconds. Then he stopped.

He asked me how long I had known. I told him since March. He asked why I hadn’t said anything sooner. I told him I was busy.

We sold the house eight months later. Because of the deposit discrepancy my solicitor had identified, I walked away with significantly more than half. I also kept Barley.

Rob moved in with Claire within three weeks of us separating. They broke up seven months after that. I know because a mutual friend mentioned it, not because I was keeping track.

I have thought about why I didn’t just confront him the moment I found those emails. I think it’s because I knew that if I did, I would have been angry and he would have been defensive and it would have become about the argument rather than the outcome.

I wanted the outcome.

I got it.

Some people ask me if I regret staying calm. If I wish I had shouted and screamed and made him feel it in the moment.

Honestly, no. He felt it. Just on my timetable, not his.

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